Many years ago I had a serious fear of abandonment.

It would often show up as me feeling concerned that people were mad at me, for no particular reason.

Which meant I had done something bad and would result in being left.

And when my mom died it obviously amplified much of those feelings.

I had this deep hurt inside that felt as if I had done something wrong, otherwise: my mom wouldn’t have died.

Not logical at all, but feelings aren’t logical.

The anxiety around others I cared about suddenly leaving me started to show up as an energy of chasing, insecurity, and distraction.

I mostly experienced this in friendships.

But, I know countless people, mostly women, who sit by the phone obsessing over a love interest calling or texting them.

You could read about attachment styles, rehash years or lifetimes of trauma but thankfully none of that is really necessary.

The crux of it is that if you are chasing people, wondering if they like you, anxiously awaiting their reply and...

Do you ever wonder why you focus on the “bad stuff” so much?

That sometimes no matter how positive you try to be you find yourself bombarded with scary worrisome thoughts. And it all seems so valid and logical to keep hyperfocusing on the terrible things. It’s because, as a survival mechanism we are wired to focus on negative stimuli. 

As a kid I would daydream about any and all scenarios that I might find myself in, especially scary situations.

It was an attempt to keep myself safe.

I thought if I could figure out every possible thing that could happen in life and how I would respond, then maybe I could finally relax.

I was very aware of energy, others moods, and could see spirits from a very young age. All of the things that I see as beautiful skills and gifts now, were very overwhelming then. 

Also, if you are stressed out the tendency to have negative thoughts increases as higher cortisol levels contribute to scary and intrusive thoughts.

You may notice you have weird i...

Since childhood other people have told us what to do and when. It didn’t matter if the actions felt right to us or not.  We depended on them to survive, so we went along with it. But those patterns set us up to habitually ignore or go against our innate knowing of what is right for us.

The pattern continues in school where we must do everything the teachers say. At work, it's our bosses telling us what, how and when to do everything. Everyone thinking they know what's best for us and wanting things their way.

Sometimes we go ahead with what they want to keep the peace, be loved and accepted. But often it can be confusing to know what you want. With so many people in our space constantly saying to do this or do that, how can we possibly hear ourselves? Here are some things I do...

1.) Take some time to be alone- no phone, tv, computer. Just quiet time. This way you can start to notice how YOU feel; not how everyone else around you is feeling and pulling on you. This awaren...