My love/hate relationship with being seen started when I was very young.

I’m naturally an artistic musical person who loves to play and share those gifts with others. But early on I experienced many situations that made being seen feel very dangerous.

In middle school the teachers would punish us by forcing us to sit on a big stage. It was in the lunchroom while everyone else was eating, meant to humiliate whoever was “in trouble”.

To make it worse we had to sit with our backs to the room. I had terrible anxiety at the time and having my back to a room full of kids caused me to freeze instantly!

I tried not to move, I took shallow breaths and prayed I could just disappear. 

Sometimes my friends would come to the stage and pick on me.

I was annoyed and afraid I’d get into more trouble for their actions.

I’d suddenly be hit with even more overwhelming stress responses in my body that caused me to dissociate.

Thankfully I only had to sit on that stage 2 maybe 3 times.

But ...