Be Your own Best Friend

It was fall of 2020 when I posed for this picture in a dazzling sequin jumpsuit.

It was warm and sunny in beautiful Los Angeles and I was so excited to finally do a photoshoot on a rooftop! 

I smiled, played and jumped around most of the time like everything was fine.

But this particular picture captured how I truly felt at the time.

I was in pain, lots of pain actually. Yes, there was emotional pain but the physical pain was the worst I have ever experienced.

Multiple areas of my body were screaming for my attention and I had barely begun to listen.

I won’t go into the details, perhaps I will later…

I’m an extremely aware person and I check in with myself multiple times a day, but I didn’t want to know what I knew back then.

I had seriously overgiven certain people and I could feel my life-force being sucked out of me.

I have always been very physically strong and resilient.

I knew I could handle anything. But, I didn’t stop to think that, just because I can, doesn’t mean I have to handle or tolerate everything.

I made subtle excuses for people’s actions, even when I knew deep down something was off.

I thought being a great friend meant seeing the best in others, even to my own detriment.

I don’t say this to blame these people.

I had to take a closer look at my beliefs and past experiences around friendship.

How to get my own needs met and realizing that even though I have a lot to give that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to.

Suppressing my truth, seeing the speck of light in people covered in shit and lowering my standards caused me excruciating pain until I finally started to go deeper than I had ever gone before.

I got very still and listened from a new space of genuine curiosity.

I had nothing to lose, nothing to fear.

I was brave enough to put myself first and ask ME for what I needed and then consistently met those needs.

Sticking with it, no matter what, helped me build unshakable trust in myself.

That I have my own back and trusting that I won't invite similar people into my life ever again. 

Some of my first experiences in childhood in regards to friendship were not good.

They were confusing, unstable and downright mean!

That combined with being a healer had set up some unconscious expectations of my needs being unimportant.

Unintentionally creating a few dynamics where my compassion and empathy were taken for granted.

Have you ever felt like I did?

Do you feel that you’re a good friend?

How about being a good friend to yourself?

No pressure… take a breath and ask; Are you afraid to know?

Did you get distracted or think this is stupid?

Whatever your first answer was, pay attention and keep practicing.

The more you ask the easier it gets. Stick with it, you deserve your own support.

Maybe this is the first time you’ve given this topic any thought.

Could be that you’ve always had great relationships or maybe you’ve struggled with betrayal, jealousy, overgiving etc.

Whatever your dominant experience has been it is still a great idea to be your own best friend.

To cultivate inner dialogues that feed your confidence and honor your beautiful soul. 

Dare to be vulnerable, and unapologetically all of you!

Sending you lots of love.