Looking for love in all the wrong places

Love is great but many things we call love are not great. You may have dreams of a beautiful romantic relationship but you’ve never actually seen anyone have that type of relationship.

You likely have seen people tolerating, desperately chasing, and trying to get someone to notice them. And even staying in miserable relationships just to avoid being alone. 

Romantic relationships can seem complicated and hopeless.

But, what if you take all the attention/pressure off the other person and redirect your focus to yourself?

No matter how many times I suggest this, people look confused and often start checking out mentally.

Truth is it's NEVER about the other person. Yeah, we’ve all heard the stories it's them not you, they need to grow up, work on themselves, etc. but I find that putting it on the other person is a handy cop-out for not really looking at your own content that is creating every experience in your life.

The first step to doing this is to drop the judgment. I am serious. Stop judging the shit out of yourself feeling terrible then running away because you think you suck and it's all hopeless.

No, be gentle and kind with yourself but be open to what your dominant thoughts about yourself and love truly are.

I suggest you write it out.

My romantic relationships are…

Don’t hold back. Be honest and don’t candy coat and make excuses.

If you have a dominant pattern of being left, cheated on, worrying if they like you. Your relationships only last so long etc. Write it down so you can get a real clear look at what has been happening.

If you want more guidance doing this process, you can check out my Romancing You course which will take you through a few writing exercises and has a big love clearing at the end. 

From that space, you can decide if you want more of the same or if will you choose to create differently now and do whatever it takes to change this. It really is up to you.

If you don’t want to change things. That’s fine, you don’t have to.

You could write out a list of why you don’t want to change your romantic relationship patterns.

It’s very fascinating to see the underlying benefits of keeping things as they are. Even if you keep complaining that you’re sick of it and want your ideal love life now.

None of this has to be difficult.

It’s usually the shame, guilt, and judgments that can keep you in a loop of avoidance. The truth is those unacknowledged patterns don’t go away if you repress them. They just show up and bite you in the ass later.

Often when you least expect it. What if you take some time to get clear on how things have been and feel the feelings around those old experiences?

Then give yourself the gift of having a whole new healthier happier experience with love that has YOU as the center of your world. Where you enjoy and value yourself first and foremost no matter what!

Remember to have fun!