Conflict Resolution

Do you find there’s a certain person you tend to have regular disagreements with?

Or maybe you always feel like you need to prove your point and keep pushing it way past the comfort zone, even when the other person has clearly blocked out anything you’re saying.

Needing to be right and needing others to agree with your points of view can cause a lot of conflict.

It can stem from not feeling heard in childhood and also witnessing adults communicate in ways that conflict was only resolved when one person folded. 

But what if nobody needs to be right or wrong for that matter?

What if your only job is to really take responsibility and honor how you feel.

I know, it might sound crazy when the world tells us we need to speak up and have the talk.

But how often does “the talk” make things better?

People are mirroring back your dominant thoughts about yourself and them.

So you can certainly have the talk but I suggest you do the inner work to make sure that you assume the person will receive you well. And assume that any sharing of feelings will result in things being better.

But even doing that you must remember to clear your own triggers. 

Think about it, how many times have you been offended by something and you never spoke up?

I can guarantee that most of the time the other person has zero idea how you felt, because it is your reality, you’re filtering everything.

You assign the meaning to it all, good or bad.

Here are some common reasons I see that people choose conflict, mostly unconsciously…

• You get attention- Even bad attention feels good when parts of you feel invalidated.
• Holding a grudge-You’re still mad about something they did in the past.
• You get to be distracted-What else could you be doing than arguing with this person?
• You think they should change- You are responsible for your own feelings and you can change how you feel without the other person.

Be honest with yourself and take note if any of those resonate with you.

No judgment, I have definitely done all 4 of those things more than once LOL!

Awareness is a powerful opportunity for change.

If you judge yourself and avoid you give away your power and stay stuck.

The choice is yours.

Important note: if you are being physically abused get help immediately, physical abuse is never ok.

Get help and get to safety. You can work on yourself in a safe environment.

Also, abuse can show up in many ways.

You will want to self reflect if you are being abusive to yourself first.

Maybe write out a list of unkind self talk or any other things you do that feel negative and start to heal those patterns.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. 

And if you’d like some help clearing up patterns and entanglements with people.

Please check out my audio clearing: Release, Promises, Oaths and Vows.